How Real People Cope with Stress and Loneliness? Apart from Drinking!
“I struggle with loneliness at night. Often in the middle of the night when most folks are asleep. It feels suffocating sometimes, wanting some sort of contact and not knowing where to find it.”
What do you do for coping with stress and loneliness? Apart from smoking and drinking!
Some of us living alone by choice and some are not. We all have different personalities; live situations and we deal with loneliness and stress in a different way.
I personally continually remind myself of all I have to be grateful for. My health, to start. Staying aware of being grateful, is survival for me. I think if I had to pick from being alone and with the wrong person, after experiencing both, I would say, ALONE. I try to change what I can, accept what I can’t, and pray for the wisdom to guide me now. Creating a better life. Just because a person has children, doesn’t make them less lonesome. Looking ahead to something in our lives feeds the spirit.
How Real People Cope with Stress and Loneliness when living Alone?
In the “Community of Single People” Facebook group, that I am part of, 130 single people responded to this question. You will find a compilation of their answers in this post.
Some of the solutions like walking and taking a hobby are common and some will surprise you.
When we become too isolated. Eventually, we lose a part of ourselves when no activities are available.
Here are some pointers to help you embrace your solitude and find fulfillment in living solo.
1// Learning and Hobby
- I’ve just retired and I’m keeping busy with all the things I’ve wanted to do. Like reading, researching, learning German, how to improve my singing and my chess game.
- To fill my own time, I write novels. I also work as an editor for a publishing house, so, in many ways, I am not only content with being alone, but I also require it.
- Keep busy. Taking online courses, exercising, belong to alumni groups…I don’t have time to do everything I want to do.
- Play guitar.
- I cultivate my interests and learn new things constantly. Also swim laps to alleviate stress.
- I bought a tiny potter’s wheel and I’m having a blast. Hours fly by.
- Bullet journal, bubble bath, dance party, clean, order my favorite dinner, Netflix, snuggle my cats or dogs, paint, build things… I have lots of interests
- Studying. It sounds weird but it works for me. The more stressed I am, the more I study, but always with a purpose in mind. I am currently working on my third professional certification in the past decade, which has been great for career success. Also, for each certification, I have found a study group of others studying for the same exam, which has added extra connections–several Facebook friends are people I met through these various study groups.
- Crafts have also been a lifesaver. I knit a lot, and I’ve also started building miniatures during the quarantine.
- Les Mills on Demand workouts (fitness at home) Especially if you have equipment like a cycle, there are at least 3 cycling programs: RPM, Sprint, and “The Trip”
2// Volunteering
- When it was medically safe, pre-pandemic, I spent time with friends and volunteered in my community.
- Get out and get amongst it. Do some volunteering, help with an animal shelter, just help someone else with something. Focus away from yourself for a little while.
- I volunteer. It truly helps me to feel more connected and needed. Reach out to friends. Plan outings and trips.
3// Reading
Re-reading the autobiography of one of my favourite authors.
4// Gardening
- Dance and tend to my plants.
- Never have a problem with loneliness. But stress…yeah, always has been a problem, and I never cope well. Having a garden here helps, as manual labor is great for working off any blues!!
5// Online Community
- Watching chatty videocasts or listening to fun lighthearted podcasts works pretty well for me when I feel lonely. I’ve been in isolation for almost a year so there’s been a lot of that.
- I’ve joined a wine club and a couple of online book clubs.
- 12 step recovery meetings are also very helpful in coping with stress and loneliness. Several if not all have an international phone or zoom meetings. Existing 12 step groups include Alcoholic Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, etc.
- Using Meetup to meet others and then I have Zoom events through it.
- I have created a network of online friends. Social platforms have done wonders for me.
- Last night I made some Valentine’s cards for people in a hospital. That was kind of nice.
I struggle with loneliness at night. Often in the middle of the night when most folks are asleep. It feels suffocating sometimes, wanting some sort of contact, and not knowing where to find it. Often, I will make a Facebook post saying something like, “it’s 4 a.m. and I’m awake again. Who else is up?” People who are up, tend to respond and commiserate. Sometimes, I go to the Facebook group Teachings Of Thich Nhat Hanh and just read through as many of those posts as I can. Usually, I come across some important piece of wisdom that speaks to me. I couldn’t say better myself.
I have trouble sleeping at night too. Binaural beats have helped me sleep during the past year.
I also wrote an article with tips that help you to fall asleep. Check it out
6// Walking, Exercise, and Dancing
- Exercise, sunshine, dancing, loud rock music in the car, heating pad, cat quality time, and sleep.
- Hike, bike, write, run, and lift weights.
- Walks in nature combined with photography, cooking good healthy meals, exercising at home, communicating with people I care about. (I don’t smoke or drink and don’t binge-watch as I feel it makes me a zombie disconnected from self and the present reality).
- I just started exercising for the first time since the pandemic started last week, and I actually notice a small shift in my mood for the better.
- Headphones, loud music, dance around my apartment. Mats on the floor so I don’t disturb the neighbors!!!
- I just dance at home. I started face timing with a friend and we do yoga together.
- Walking is #1 for me for stress. I also reach out to chat with friends if I’m feeling lonely.
- And physical activity is a must for me. I did yoga twice a week pre-Covid and have been trying to keep it up at home. I find it hard sometimes to find motivation when I’m not accountable to anyone but myself, but I find that having a set day and time set aside for my yoga helps.
7// Music and Reading
- Music or reading books has always been my go-to.
- I also like watching videos on YouTube–“shuffle dance,” which I had not heard of previously, is fun to watch–and try. The key is to have some combination of active coping strategies, which work well when they are tied to other long-term goals, like maintaining your health and advancing professionally, and more passive coping strategies. I also highly recommend reading “The Happiness Trap.“
8// Religion and Meditation
- Staying in God’s loving presence.
- Stress, I do a nightly meditation. If things are bananas stressful, I do one in the morning too. YouTube has a ton of great guided ones if you don’t meditate already.
9// Cooking and Eating
- Cannabis edibles take the edge off of stress for me and help me drop into a more grounded, heart-centered space.
- Chocolate! It’s a proven effective treatment for Dementor attack and works at least as well for stress and loneliness!
- I like to cook, read, paint, garden, and play with my cat. Some days, especially during this pandemic, can be harder than others but I give myself little goals on those days and reward myself with little things, like a nice cup of tea or a treat.
- Do things I love like cooking and creating beautiful and healthy meals I love to eat, listening to podcasts while cooking, gratitude journaling, talking on the phone, making my home beautiful with candles and flowers, tending my garden. These are things I love to have in my life. Whatever you love to do, and experience can help with your loneliness.
10// Solve Crosswords and Puzzles
- Puzzles and a cryptic crossword take up all your brain, so the dark thoughts don’t get a look in.
- For stress, I clean. I don’t get lonely though.
11// Pun Calendar
I got a daily pun calendar and that makes me giggle.
12// Have a Pet
- I have a dog.
- I work retail, and I have a cat.
13// Decorate and Declutter
- Still working to create my new comfy space in my new apartment, changed color/theme & discarding things that no longer serve me, practicing patience with myself, cooking using my new Instant Pot, brushing my old dog (she loves it!), walk out in nature, yoga, bodywork/massage to reduce pain.
- I could not wait to get home, back to myself, to touch my things, and let the home be my assurance of my right to exist.
I hope that you found this information to help you. It’s hard to fight loneliness and knowing that so many people going through exactly the same experience makes it less lonely.
I also want to take this space to recommend that if someone is feeling stressed or lonely, do not respond to your needs with self-injury such as smoking or drinking.
GOT A QUESTION?
Do you have any questions about “How to cope with loneliness”? Let’s talk about it in the comments below! I would love to hear from you! Have a fabulous week and take care!
Your Biggest Supporter, Irina Nikitina creator of Modern Fifty TV.
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