The Hard Part About Getting Older That No One Ever Talks About

The hard part about getting older is that no one ever talks about it.

I can’t speak for everyone but let’s face it: Things are getting harder and harder as each year passes.

Aging is no joke and life, in general, is still considered hard.

Ask any adult, and the most likely answer is, yes, life is hard as an adult. Aging is different for everyone because everyone is different, and we will all experience it at different times and at different levels.

Life doesn’t get easier but if you’re mature and paying attention you become more adaptable. Of course, some people never mature and never adapt. Many people start having health problems as they pass 55. That adds another element you have to adapt to.

These things listed further below can make your life somewhat more stressful. The struggle never ends. Be prepared for the unexpected.

“When people are in their thirties, they worry about losing their looks. In their fifties, they worry about losing capacities. By their seventies, people worry about losing everything – control, relationships, and their very lives.” – Dr. Mary Pipher’s “Another Country”

The hard part about getting older that no one ever talks about

Here are some of the most eye-opening responses shared in Quora and my own experience. However, every person over sixty (and even many over fifty) is more than happy to acknowledge and laugh or grumble about the new sucky stuff they find themselves doing. For example:

1. Making Friends

I made fewer and fewer friends in real life as I get older.

2. Staying in touch with people.

The time just escapes me. Days, weeks, and months fly by, only to realize that I didn’t call or talked to my friend at all in the last six months.

3. Life gets less exciting as you get older.

Feeling and sustaining ‘cozy Christmas feeling’ and other similar feelings that were easy to have as a child. Scientists have discovered that a chemical in the brain governing the delivery and feeling of reward is altered physically as a person grows old, which explains why opening presents becomes less exciting.

4. Getting up after you’ve kneeled down.

We lose the ability to do things easily and without the snap, crackle, and pop of aging joints. 

5. Go out and have some fun.

Because I could simply stay at home – where it’s warm – with my yoga clothes, my pets, and YouTube. When I’m up and about? I still have almost as much energy as I did 20 years ago but it’s getting going takes more effort.

6. Tolerance for BS

Age makes you realize that you wasted too much energy on things that did not matter. You can’t get that time back or put it in a bottle, even though you wish you could.

7. Avoiding bath

Installing those rails in the bathroom, or the anti-slip mats in the shower.

Avoid once-loved baths because they’re wary of the difficulty in getting in and worse — the possibility of falling when they try to get out. If that’s not enough, there’s the thought of cleaning the tub afterward.

8. Avoiding mishaps

Creating Plan Bs to avoid possible mishaps, like hiding spare house keys in the garage in case you accidentally leave your keys on the kitchen counter. Setting reminders on your phone to turn the stove/hose/whatever off.

9. Taking care of the body

You start to make better decisions about your health and self-care, but it’s hard work.  

10. Changing your opinions

It’s not that you are not an objective thinker, but you have made your mind on many aspects of life and consider them to be true.

11. Clothing matter less

Clothing matters so much less than it once did. I don’t care about what is in style anymore. As long as my clothes are clean and well-fitting, that’s all that matters to me now.

12. Getting a job

Many people over 55 have lost their jobs and have had to take jobs paying substantially less. In most cases, it took more than a year to find a job. Ageism in the workplace is a real thing. Employers are more willing to hire dumb twenty-somethings who will work at a quarter of your wages. My advice to anyone in the workforce RIGHT NOW would be to develop a self-employment side hustle that you can develop while you are still working nine to five.

Then, when the shit hits the fan—and it will—you have an option going for you that you would not have otherwise.

The thing is your employer isn’t grooming you for a promotion and more responsibilities anymore. They’re paying you top dollar. You’re not hustling anymore, because you’ve made it. And they are grooming others, probably with more current skills, to take your place. They’re younger, hungrier, and cheaper.

So, one day, seemingly out of the blue, you are offered a generous severance package, which you grab, because you know that, with your skills and experience, you can have another job in a week.

Except you can’t.

For one thing, you were at the top of the pay scale. No one wants to pay a new employee, who may not work out, the same as people that have been working for them twenty years. They don’t want to pay you less than you were making, they think you’ll just be marking time till retirement, they already have younger employees who want the job, and the list goes on.

Even though you may feel able, and even eager, to continue in your field, you’ve reached the end of the line. You can go no farther.

13. Find a relationship

Love of any sort, including romantic love, is not dependent upon age. It’s just that the chance of finding a romantic partner decreases rather drastically with age, for women especially. They’ve gone from swimming in that fish-filled sea to picking their way past occasional puddles in the wheel ruts left by the years that are speeding by. Single men in retirement villages can obtain almost rockstar status, conferred entirely by their availability and definitely enhanced by any physical capability such as walking or eating unaided.

14. Spending money on ‘useless’ stuff

As we age, we begin to re-evaluate the need to conform and to compare ourselves to others or to materialistic standards. We crave clean, organized, and minimal spaces.

15. Not being important

Many older people once ran whole offices, whole buildings. They had employees and staff and made big decisions. And now they are retired, sidelined, and no longer relevant. Yes, it’s sad.

16. Healing and recovery

I tire quickly and recover slowly, and I miss that feeling of strength and self-assurance. I think the one thing we never understand about aging is that we will become frail! Everyone thinks it will not happen to them.

17. Being fearful

I know far too many people “my” age who seem to live in constant dread of dying, crime, disease, accidents, infirmity, fast drivers, the weather, or whatever the crisis of the moment happens to be.

18. Time is running out

When we’re young, we feel like anything can happen, there’s still time to do everything we want to do. Only when we get older, do we realize that opportunities are shrinking and that can be difficult to accept.

19. The death of loved ones

People you loved, who were a big part of your childhood, pass away, and you are reminded of your own advancing age.

20. Loss

Live long enough and you will reach an age of loss. There comes a time when you do something for the last time. And you probably don’t even realize it at the time. The last time you hold your child in your arms, the last time see your older uncle, the last time you run on the beach. You start making lists of all that is now missing in your life, loved ones gone, friends no longer in your life, chances missed, and you start to accumulate regrets over opportunities you should have taken advantage of.  Don’t wait for future moments to bring happiness into your life. Live your life now.

CONCLUSION

So life IS hard. But a lot can be gained in getting older. If you really think about it, many of the gains stand opposite the difficulties mentioned above.

We all benefit from open and honest discussions about getting older – the reality of aging reaches every one of us – and it’s helpful to acknowledge the bad as well as the good.

So far, I think that getting older is fine if you roll with the punches. Enjoy your life as best you can. Do not focus on things you can no longer do. Be grateful for what you can do.

Expect nothing. Appreciate everything.

What do you think? What’s something that gets harder as you age? Let me know in the comments below.

As always, I’d love to hear from you! Have a fabulous week and take care! Irina Nikitina – Founder of Modern Fifty TV

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.